It is not very easy for a parent to deal with a child who is used to throwing tantrums, or is grumpy or disobedient most of the times. But chiding or scolding the child is also not the solution. Instead it requires behavior modification through non-assertive ways, recognizing and acknowledging the reasons for the behavior and working on it. Here are some ways that will help a parent deal with this behavior.
Why the Tantrums?
Mostly tantrums are not an intentional behavior, at least initially. It is more of a child’s way of expressing independence and getting heard. It is also a way for the child to express his/her likes and dislikes. The combined affect of this can lead to what is called tantrums. While it starts as an unintentional behaviour trait, soon tantrums become learned behavior where the child uses it as an attention-seeking activity. This is the point where it breeds trouble.
How to control tantrums:
When it comes to controlling tantrums of a toddler, there are no instant solutions. It is a matter of making the child feel secure and loved. Here are some ways that might help:
1. One word - LOVE
We all love our children. But how we express our love for them, and how often is what matters. A child should feel he is loved and paid attention too to feel positive and stay away from undesired behavior. Constant positive attention is the key. Throughout the day, regular hugs, kisses and instant appreciation for an activity well done reassures the child. The activity can be as simple as finishing a meal or drinking milk. Frequent admiration can lead to a feeling of joy in the child, motivating him to follow rules.
But keep the appreciation genuine. Children are way more intelligent than we presume them to be and can easily differentiate false appreciation from genuine ones. Where the child does not deserve admiration, hold the applause back with the harsh words. It is better to give the child strict instructions in a clear, yet non-threatening, gentle way.
2. Recognition
Every child has his own personality traits. As a parent, we need to accept the fact that the child will develop individuality. We should not expect the child to be just like us or behave like an adult, when he or she is just a toddler. Constant criticism or regular checks on activities can lead to doubt and fuel bad behavior in the child. As adults, we need to cherish and cultivate the child’s personality, and help him become more confident. Observe and identify the child’s strength. Find ways to build on that strength. This will reassure the child that he will get heard and appreciated and will not have to resort to yelling, screaming or crying to get his way.
3. Breaking Rules
A toddler is too young for rules. If the child knew the difference, she would not have behaved undesirably in the first place. One way to initiate correct behavior is by minimizing rules at the outset, as too many rules can frustrate the toddler. Before setting out the rules, prioritize what you want to communicate to the child first/the behaviour you want him to pick up at the go. For a toddler, safety is more important than anything. For example, rather than stopping the child from venturing and exploring the house, baby proof it. And let the child explore.
To say the least, each parent has his own way of dealing with a child but lots of love, genuine appreciation and understanding the child is the first step to get him to listen to you.
I am sure as parents you all must have had parallel experiences and would have encountered such tantrums from your little wonders. Please share how you have dealt with such situations in the comment box. Your inputs are valuable for fellow parents.
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