Identifying and nurturing the gift-area for your child

We were on a study at some schools recently. The project involved understanding parents’ and teachers’ expectations around the learner’s progress. One of the interesting aspects to surface was their query around gifted children. Both parents and teachers had observations but were not sure whether they were doing the right things. This prompted me to write about it and address some of the key aspects around nurturing gifted children.

How does one know that a child is gifted?

Perhaps this is the key question. Here is a starting point. A gifted child is someone who shows consistent signs and instances of being distinctly above average in one of these abilities: intellectual, creative, physical and social. It’s a myth to just look at intellectual and creative abilities in our society, though a gifted child may just not be limited to these two. The key lies in spotting this gift as early as toddler years in some cases. I believe that our true potential is a mix of impetus from nature &nurture.Surroundings perhaps have a defining impact on each child's growth and development, especially from parents in growing years.A gifted child perhaps needs evenmore support and guidance from parents and their teachers to achieve their true potential. Imagine a LataMangeshkar not getting an adequate support and encouragement for grooming her voice right from an early age from her father, siblings and surroundings. Imagine a Sachin not getting the support and mentorship of his brother and coach.

As parents and educators, once you discover that your child is gifted, you need to:

1. Understand the child's talent, moreover understand the related developmental needs. For e.g. If you have a child asking you questions beyond her usual age, and may be having a tough time answering the child's queries related to patterns or numbers, you may want to read more about workshops, for pattern spotting, Vedic mathematics and so on, rather than shunning the child or avoiding their queries.
2. Set appropriate expectations from the child. It's a misnomer that a child gifted in one area may be gifted in all areas. In fact, research has shown just the opposite. Children gifted in creative talent may still struggle in social abilities. As educators, we need to guide parentsto understand that different skills may develop at a different rate for the gifted child.
3. Treat the gifted child and the other children the same. Educators perhaps need to take extra care to ensure that this doesn't create an added pressure for the class; even worse could be damaging another child’s self-esteem. Treat all learners the same. There are ways I shall suggest to nurture the gifted children, which may not translate into treating other learners differently.

How do we nurture the gifted child’s talent? Do we need to seek professional help?

Parents and Educators of gifted children need to be consistent in their behavior and response to the learner’s needs and interests and at the same time stay flexible as thelearner's need change over time. This is easier said than done. Hence, as educators, you may reach out to professionals for specific areas. You may collaborate to create a handholding cum acceleration coaching mechanism for the learner from time to time. Moreover collaborating with parents of gifted children is always a good idea. The following tips may be of help:

1. Provide the child with opportunities to learn and try new things.Special sessions, meeting guest experts shall add value.
2. Assort a mix of activities for the learner, so that she has some things to do that he or she finds challenging, as well as some that he or she likes and can do easily. Some of these activities could be in the class and some could even be done back to home.
3. Encourage the child to participate in a broad range of educational and recreational activities.Lateral thinking exercises may be helpful.
4. Discuss the child’s gifts with him or her, also with the child’s parents; what it means to be gifted, and help with ways to deal with any difficulties that may arise. Collaboration between the educators and parents can truly help the child achieve her true potential.
5. Encourage the social skills to enable the child to fit comfortably in his or her social world with other learners. Being gifted is not an excuse for bad behavior

How do we ensure that we don't push or pressurize the child to perform in the process of nurturing? 

Giftedness may bring a number of rewards and difficulties. Here are some “not-to-dos”. Try not to:

1. Push or apply undue pressure on the child
2. 'Show-off' the child in public or to the rest of the class
3. Expect the child to be gifted and talented in all areas of his or her development
4. Be too 'Top-down' in the class, Talking down to the gifted child
5. Forget that the gifted child is still a child, and has all the normal needs like other children

Do you give the child special preference or treat him/her different from other kids?

We need to keep reminding parents, that the child may be gifted but is still a child. We also need to coach parents so as to treat their child normally and avoid creating imaginary lines of superiority for both child as well as themselves. This is a mistake, which some parents do and start expecting their child to be gifted in almost all abilities. It’s the biggest disservice and dampener a parent could perhaps provide to their gifted child. Remember, s/he is still a child and has all the normal needs of children, including the need for love, support, stability, routine and fun. Make sure, that you tell parents to always be there for their child.

What role may the preschools and schools play to help such gifted and talented children?

Schools, after parents perhaps play the most important role. Parents and schools may collaborate to do the following to help gifted children and their parents:

• Fast track: Depending on the giftedness of the child, the school may promote the child to skip some grades and some subjects. Again easier said than done. This requires careful consideration and is best done through researched, tried and tested approaches.
• Varied difficulty levels: Gifted children could be given a higher order difficulty task, project or worksheet so as to accelerate their learning. This could be done through home assignments or quiz without having to do a separate process as such.
• Dedicated mentor: A dedicated senior teacher or mentor excited about helping the gifted child, to handhold and answer the child’s queries from time to time. 
• Cross age tutoring: Getting a mix of age groups in the same class so as to give a varied mix and exposure to the child. This is still not so much tried in our schools, but is fairly effective and tried process in some other countries like Korea, Finland and now in USA.
• Competitions: This brings out the potential of a gifted child, schools may support, sponsor gifted children to participate in national and international competitions
• Childhood is a great gift and perhaps as parents, it’s our responsibility to make it fulfilling for our child. Today, in the 21st century, it’s perhaps not just the good grades in school, but a new way of exploring surroundings and learning that shall encourage our gifted children and moreover the gift of childhood.

 (Created by Nitin)

Ten fun things to do with your teenager this summer

When we talk about the bond between a parent and their teenage child then a whole lot of aspects come into play. The teenager who is now nearly an adult has his/her own opinions and preferences (mostly they are not shy of letting the parents know). The child has gone through many life-changing situations (at least the child believes so) that may have impacted the relationship that a child shares with the parent. Life as we know continues to evolve as each day passes.

While I made a list of things to do with a younger child I also started getting ideas of fun stuff to do with a slightly grown up child. So here goes the list of 10 fun things that you could do with your teenager:

1.Making a Collage:

Where: At Home

Age Group: 12-18 years

Make a collage with your child with cuttings of inspiring words that the child may find in magazines or newspaper. This could then be hung in either the child’s room or the parent’s room reminding of what matters the most.

In cases where the parent child bond is under strain there could be another scenario where the parent and child could together make a set of two collages that displays what one expects of the other. Can you imagine, a collage by a child with words like “ Trust “, “Hurt”, “respect” would really go a long way for a parent to understand the child. While on the other hand when a Parent puts the words like, “ love”, “cleanliness”, “ Responsible” in the collage for the child, the child will get the message without getting into unpleasant arguments. Hanging the collage in the room would remind each what the other expects and may help strengthening the parent child bond.

2.Introduction to Music:

Where: At home; using a computer or just buying a music cd

Age Group: 13-16 years

Music is believed to be a common language; it does not have the definitions of age or time. Introducing your child to your kind of music and appreciating  the music that your child may relate to may give you an insight into your child. You could simply burn a cd together and listen to songs. You could also introduce your child to songs that have inspired you and you never know these could in turn inspire your child through his/her difficult times.

3.Swap Lives for a Day:

Where: Home / in an extra class / in the kitchen

Age: 15- 18 years

Did you not always want your child to know how tough life is and what about the child, the angst is always about how tough it is being a teenager. It could be as simple as the parent taking the child out for grocery shopping followed by a trip to the vegetable market and ending with making dinner for the whole family. One thing you ought to do is be ready to solve those math equations( and fail miserably :-) in some cases), go for the tennis class ( pant halfway through it and collapse... lol) and end the day with a 2 hour phone call about music or clothes.

If nothing else it will be a good reality check and you both may appreciate your own situation more the next time.

4.Painting a Wall:

Where: At home / in the child’s room or the Parent’s room

Age Group: 13-17 years.

Now a day every paint shop had these various different gadgets that one could use to create beautiful patterns on the wall. You may end up killing two birds with one stone, your child’s room may get a makeover and the fun of painting and spending time together would be priceless.

5.Do something that the other one likes:

Where: depends on what your child may come up with

Age Group: 14- 18 years.

You could ask your child of his/ her favorite activity and (even if you do not like, I know of my nephew took his mom to have a day at the paintball arcade… as apprehensive as the mum was to go, though she came back a bit sore but totally ready for round 2 J) do it together and then list one of your favorite activities and do it with your child. It could be something as simple as shopping, running, going to the gym together, cooking or simply cleaning up the attic.

6.Makeovers are always fun:

Where: at the neighborhood salon

Age Group: 14- 18 years.

You could let your child decide your look, be it the haircut or the attire and you could do the same for your child. It will be so much fun to see yourself through your child’s eyes.

7.Movie Date:

Where: At the nearby theater or home with a DVD

Age Group: 12-18 years

Book the tickets or rent a movie, which you thought you would see with your child when the right time came, (since s/he is a teenager) now. Complete the experience with a bowl of popcorn, hot dogs, chips and a lot of fun.

8.Join a Class or Sport together:

Where: depends on the interests of your child.

Age Group: 14 - 18 years

It could be a guitar class or learning to play golf, this may require more than one sitting but doing it together with your child will definitely be an enjoyable experience and strengthen the parent- child bond .

9.Take a Trip: 

Where: Somewhere near (preferably drivable distance)

Age Group: 14 – 18 years

It may be the best idea to bond, the road and the wilderness brings the best out of people. Nature has a calming effect and the time spent just listening to music or chomping on sandwiches will be great for the reconnection of the parent – child bond.

10. Game Night: I Wish / I Want

Where: At Home

Age Group: 12- 16 years

I remember this game that we played when we were younger. It was, “ I wish”/ “I want” game. This usually happened on the terrace on a starry night (Ideally but can be done even in the drawing room or Balcony). Basically the game revolves around what the child and the adult wish and want in an ideal setting, one person starts it and the other has to finish it but either it has to be true or really funny. For example if the child started the game with – “I wish I had a bathtub of Ice cream”, the parent could finish the sentence with, “for you to take a bath in”… (Lets agree it is somewhat funnyJ.)

      Or on a serious note, you could get an insight on what your child longs for and you may get the added edge to do something about it.

      Once again on a very positive and hopeful note I wish you all have a great summer bonding with your children.

(Created by Bhawna)

Parenting Tips--Teaching your toddler to behave

It is not very easy for a parent to deal with a child who is used to throwing tantrums, or is grumpy or disobedient most of the times. But chiding or scolding the child is also not the solution. Instead it requires behavior modification through non-assertive ways, recognizing and acknowledging the reasons for the behavior and working on it.  Here are some ways that will help a parent deal with this behavior.

Why the Tantrums?

Mostly tantrums are not an intentional behavior, at least initially. It is more of a child’s way of expressing independence and getting heard. It is also a way for the child to express his/her likes and dislikes. The combined affect of this can lead to what is called tantrums. While it starts as an unintentional behaviour trait, soon tantrums become learned behavior where the child uses it as an attention-seeking activity.  This is the point where it breeds trouble.

How to control tantrums:

When it comes to controlling tantrums of a toddler, there are no instant solutions. It is a matter of making the child feel secure and loved.  Here are some ways that might help:

1. One word - LOVE

We all love our children. But how we express our love for them, and how often is what matters. A child should feel he is loved and paid attention too to feel positive and stay away from undesired behavior. Constant positive attention is the key. Throughout the day, regular hugs, kisses and instant appreciation for an activity well done reassures the child. The activity can be as simple as finishing a meal or drinking milk. Frequent admiration can lead to a feeling of joy in the child, motivating him to follow rules.

But keep the appreciation genuine. Children are way more intelligent than we presume them to be and can easily differentiate false appreciation from genuine ones. Where the child does not deserve admiration, hold the applause back with the harsh words. It is  better to give the child strict instructions in a clear, yet non-threatening, gentle way.

2. Recognition

Every child has his own personality traits. As a parent, we need to accept the fact that the child will develop individuality. We should not expect the child to be just like us or behave like an adult, when he or she is just a toddler. Constant criticism or regular checks on activities can lead to doubt and fuel bad behavior in the child. As adults, we need to cherish and cultivate the child’s personality, and help him become more confident. Observe and identify the child’s strength. Find ways to build on that strength. This will reassure the child that he will get heard and appreciated and will not have to resort to yelling, screaming or crying to get his way.

3. Breaking Rules

A toddler is too young for rules. If the child knew the difference, she would not have behaved undesirably in the first place. One way to initiate correct behavior is by minimizing rules at the outset, as too many rules can frustrate the toddler. Before setting out the rules, prioritize what you want  to communicate to the child first/the behaviour you want him to pick up at the go. For a toddler, safety is more important than anything. For example, rather than stopping the child from venturing and exploring the house, baby proof it. And let the child explore.

To say the least, each parent has his own way of dealing with a child but lots of love, genuine appreciation and understanding the child is the first step to get him to listen to you.

I am sure as parents you all must have had parallel experiences and would have encountered such tantrums from your little wonders. Please share how you have dealt with such situations in the comment box. Your inputs are valuable for fellow parents.